When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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