If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
