i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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