Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
