Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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