I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
