dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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