You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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