I seem to have left my pride at pride
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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