she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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