I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
