is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
