first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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