Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
