Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
