Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
