Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My breasts were aching with rage.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Drake has all the answers
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
