it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
