My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
