i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
