So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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