Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize