i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
