They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
