You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it glows. i had to have it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
wow bdsm is so cute
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