I seem to have left my pride at pride
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
