Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
