we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
