You made me cry and you don't even care
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
