I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
