You're completely useless in the revolution.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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