I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
