Yo dont text me then not text me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Terrible idea I love it
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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