How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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