Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
