He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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