I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No subtext here. People are naked.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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