She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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