whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
