I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Why is your signature on my underwear?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
