my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
