just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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