my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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