I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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