I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
