so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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