I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
