I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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