if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
