Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just had sex bonerless
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
