At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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