if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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