well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
