You really coming over, don't trick.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
