if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
