dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Randomize
