Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize