Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
