There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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