Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
As shirtless as possible
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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