Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have tasted many bathrooms
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
