I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
