ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
