Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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