just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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