It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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