I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
