he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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