i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
In America we eat man semen.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
