New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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