oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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