clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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